Today I finally got the rest of my trip pictures developed. As I was putting them into an album, my mind took me into the future, how I envision it. There is no doubt in my mind that once I am free from home, the possibilities will be endless for me. I have climbed a lot of mountains; some scarier than others. Some that have really tested me to the core of my inner strength, my abilities and my faith. When a person has been through so much trauma, hard times and sickness, that person will look at the world and look at life a lot differently than before. It is that person's choice to look at it in a positive way or in a bad way. There are so many lessons to be learned from the bad times that we either choose to become courageous enough to be aware, learn, apply and share or we can just keep running, give no effort and allow no progress in our lives. We can choose to allow our circumstances to humble us or harden our hearts.
As difficult as it has been for me, there are times when I have wanted to pull my covers over my head and not go forward. I have been scared stiff, sometimes giving myself a pity party. I have at times become angry, in denial and blamed others instead of owning the responsibility myself for the outcomes. Sometimes it is difficult to feel so human; so weak. When I have felt like giving up I asked God to "take me"; "I'm done", "I don't want this anymore", "just make the pain stop." God always reminds me in His loving gentle way of who I really am and how much He truly loves. He lets me know that my presence in the world helps it to be so wonderful.
He reminds me how far I have come in my life. He reminds me all that I have accomplished and that there is more. He reminds me that He has more for me to do, see and experience. He reminds me that many more blessings are coming my way to make what I am and have been going through a sweet experience that is helping me grow. He reminds me that He is with me always and that He has me in the place where I need to be so that later I can do better at something He has planned for me to take another shot at or something that He wants me to do for the first time. He reminds me that I refuse to allow the words 'quit' and 'give up' in my vocabulary. He knows that I strive to live my life to please Him and that someday when it is my time to come before Him, I want no regrets. I want to look back on my life satisfied with a bright sunny smile on my face knowing that I did my very best and I had fun at it too. He warms my heart with His never ending love. He wraps His arms around me to console my hurting heart. He feels my pain and He understands. I am special to Him, so I am on a special mission for Him.
When I start school this fall, I intend to do better than I did when I was in school 13 + years ago. I wasn't a goof off. I didn't believe in myself. I was slow, severely depressed, didn't have the encouragement and support to succeed and to exercise my talents, abilities and to enjoy learning. I was quiet, timid, shy and afraid to be me. I was intimidated too easily. I didn't know how to make friends, in fact I was scared to. I was just an average student. This time I will become more than an average student. Giving my very, very best I aim to succeed. I am not afraid to become the woman God wants me to become. I am looking forward to it. I say, "come on, bring it on baby, bring it on!" Once I preferred the back seat of the classroom, now I prefer the front seat and nothing less.
While I am in school, I plan to get involved in school activities, organizations and functions. I look forward making new friends. I am so anxious to learn new things and refresh on things I already have learned. I love knowledge!! When I travel, I look at it as an opportunity to see places, meet new people and experience new adventures that I only dreamed about years ago. I enjoy travel. It's so exciting! I have goals that I will make happen and dreams that will come true. I don't feel sorry for anyone that tries to stand in my way.
When I was growing up, I was always told "no", "you can't do this," "you can't do that," "we don't have the money," "You can't do that because I tried it before," "I don't have the time," "stop dreaming, it useless," and always more "no, no, no!" I say "YES, YES, YES I CAN AND BY GOLLY I WILL!"
I thank my Jesus for being the wonderful Teacher that He is. I thank Him for the amazing love He has for me. I thank Him for His remarkable healing. I thank Him for His vigilant guidance on me. I thank Him for his patience with me. I thank Him for the family I have, my friends, talents and mostly I thank Him for my life. I am so happy that I am His. He is truly so good. I hope that someday I can use these lessons and experiences; both good and bad in my life, to help motivate and encourage someone along my journey. I can't live my life without Him. I need Him. Like the hymn sings, "Because He Lives, I can face tomorrow."
In God's Amazing Grace,
Liz
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