How do I know this to be true? Easy, my grandfather told me so and my father told me so.
It’s even more amazing with this Italian heritage thing I grew up with. I remember being told by a certain young lady’s mom one time (as I was meeting her daughter) how she had warned her daughter never to get involved with an Italian man. Lucky for me she included many reasons why she felt as she did. Unlucky for me, the young lady I cared so much about sat and listened to everything her mom had to tell me. I know her daughter knew I was Italian but I wouldn’t swear if her mom did and was just letting me know to stay away. She may have just spoken what she believed without regard to whom I was or how I felt.
Growing up in a strict Italian family was quite a learning experience. I watched mostly as a young man, I was never really one to be told what to do. I know, what a surprise right? I took in the heritage I was born with, observed what it was all about.
The interesting part was the things I learned. About fifty percent of it was how to behave in later life and the other was how not to. I learned so many lessons, so many things. Although I was always able to separate the good and what needed to be applied as I took my life’s journey from the behavior completely unacceptable. (I promised myself never to be so much of this heritage when I grew up). The one thing I was always told and seemed to have adopted was “Italian men don’t cry”.
Forgetting about the whole Italian thing, the entire concept of men crying I’ve always found fascinating. When asked, most ladies will tell you that the perfect man will be strong, able to take care of and protect them, yet in touch with his feelings, able to express himself and willing to share or communicate how he really feels. Yet the first time a man breaks into tears in front of his gal he is looked at as weak and unable to protect her. (Admit it ladies, you hate to see your man cry)
A lady is allowed to cry when she’s joyous, happy, or thrilled, she will also cry when she’s heartbroken, sad, or feels a loss. In fact she can cry for what most men will feel is no reason at all. When the crying starts for a guy the instinct is to grab her in your arms, hold her tight, and assure her everything is going to be okay now. It matters not if you know her just that you make her feel better and stop her need to cry.
If a lady is among her friends and feels the need to cry then at least one of her friends will do exactly what the male instinct dictates and she will give her a caring hug or more likely you will witness the true meaning of a “Group Hug”.
Imagine this for a moment, it’s the last few seconds of the Superbowl, the guys are yelling and screaming at the poor television (Cause we all know what we say to the TV matters to the game), the kick sails through the uprights as the seconds tick off the clock and you watch your team lose. At that moment you start to cry uncontrollably, your body shakes, and you can barely speak or even catch your breath. Do the guys (or gals) watching come over and give you hug, tell you it’s going to be okay and there is always next year? I think not. Best case scenario is one of the gals in the room will eventually take pity on the guy and tell the rest of them to “Leave him alone” although she will keep her distance as she makes this proclamation. That’s just not what she meant when she said she wanted a guy to be able to communicate his feelings.
Isn’t it amazing how two human beings of different genders can have such different views on something as simple as a tear?
When one throws in the Italian factor the phenomenon becomes even more fascinating. The stereo typical Italian man (As described by the mother above) is passionate, puts his woman on a pedestal, and is a man’s man. Yet he is not to be trusted because he is also uncaring, aloof, egotistical and a perfect candidate to cheat on a loved one.
Of all the things I learned from my family of what not to do, I don’t know that I ever really realized how important not crying seemed to be to me. I’ve noticed it as I’ve grown older, watching a great movie, seeing a moving experience, or even watching TV. There is this overwhelming feeling of emotion that you feel in your heart, it rushes up your body until it hits your tear ducts. The second you feel your eyes water you put your hand to your face, get up and leave the room, or look around you to be sure nobody notices. No matter what the situation nobody is to see you actually cry.
I wonder sometimes if this uncontrollable need to withhold the emotion of a simple cry has affected my life, the life of other men, and the lives of the people we care most about. Would we be better or worse if allowed to shake and cry uncontrollably? Is this the reason men have a shorter life span?
I have news for you all, men do cry, they feel, they hurt, they shake uncontrollably and the dog runs for cover in fear of being hugged to death. What we don’t do is ever admit it or let you see it happen.
Because we all know, men don’t cry.
Have thoughts on this? Leave a comment I’ll be sure to give you an opinion!!
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